Mulloskeys Adventures Abroad

It’s finally time to get back to Korean blogging…

Imagine just how much I wet my pants when I heard Patrick Breech (a.k.a. Bizzarro) and his clan were coming to visit Korea and Japan. His sister Caitlin lives here and was the purpose of their visit, but that doesn’t mean Erin and I couldn’t tag along for some memorable events and nights.

I first met Pat and his brother Michael on a weeknight in Seoul. Working until 10, and knowing I would have to wait till morning to catch the train back, we pulled an all-nighter. First we went to the foreign district to the Canadian bar where we had downed countless pitchers of beer and caught up. It was 3:30am when they finally kicked us out. From there it was time to dive right into my favourite aspect of Korean culture – the jimjilbang (or sauna/bath house).

It having been months since my last contact with this dear friend, I was anxious to see his unit again. Let me tell you it is amazing something that large can be supported by a body that short. Inside the three of us enjoyed a variety of tea, charcoal, jade, jasmine, and mud baths and steam rooms. From the men’s only area we dawned the little pajamas provided and headed up to the upper floors and service areas. There we enjoyed some snacks and beers while sitting in co-ed saunas, massage chairs and the ice room. I think what amazed them the most, and me too, was who exactly were these people sleeping on the floor at 5 in the morning? What was their story? Why not just go home? Pat was almost amazed that a full crew of (legitimate) massage therapists were sitting around waiting for customers, as well as barbers and shoe shiners. It’s so nice to have someone to share in something that is virtually impossible to contextualize back home. Like when our friends Mike and Jen visited, it’s nice to have someone you know who understands and has shared in that same experience.

For the rest of the week the family headed down to Jeonju to see Caitlin. On Saturday we booked a DMZ tour for the family on the condition we could come along. I was eager to show Mr and Mrs. Breech my wholesome side rather than the more out-there side they have come to know… the accurate one that is. This time we got on the USO (US Army Overseas) tour which was much better than the one we went on last year and gave us access to areas that other tours didn’t – and it was less than half price. The only thing that could have been better was if the morning fog hadn’t been so bad. But it did clear somewhat for views into North Korea by the afternoon.

45 minutes out of Seoul and we arrived at Camp Boniface for our briefing. This is an active military base and our guides from this point were two MP’s (Military Police Officers). The briefing made me feel like I was in Top Gun. The release form we had to sign made me feel like Goose. Try and get a look on (#1 and #2-i) on the form.

Back on the bus we go and we get a quick tour of the base before heading to Panmunjom. The base was interesting enough but the best part was the one hole golf course. The Seargeant told us it was featured in a 1984 Sports Illustrated as “The most dangerous golf course in the world” as it was once surrounded on 3 sides by land mines and enemy territory.

On the way to Panmunjom you cannot take pictures. The fences, towers, military vehicles and foxholes provide the tourist exactly the intimidation it is supposed to.

One of the benefits of the USO tour is that we get to visit Panmunjom before anyone else. We learned the history of its construction, small battles that occurred there. Defections, attacks and anecdotes. Blue buildings are South Korean/UN and silver/white are North Korean. This is what it looks like around the place.

Inside the main building we emerged to face the iconic sight of the long buildings which the border halves, and the soldiers standing in their kungfu intimidation stance. The soldiers stand half exposed to limit their vulnerability to fire. We weren’t treated to North Korean soldiers facing off less than 10 meters away due to the early spring chill in the air. Apparently they don’t come out when they are cold. Instead across the way a lone soldier stood looking at us through binoculars (except other guys in towers and such). You can see him on the steps in dark green uniform. The cement curb running between the buildings is the border.

Inside the buildings was really special. The meeting table divides the room (and exactly half of it is in North Korea and the other half in the South… so no one has to leave their territory when meetings occur) and this is where the armistice was signed. We heard more stories of how North Korea soldiers would look in the windows and make cut throat gestures. How during major Bush speeches, they would enter the building and wipe their genitals on the US flags in the room, and how every morning they walk with dirty bare feet on the tables. Truly we could see the footprints from that morning’s antics.

Staring contest. You and me. Right now.

The buildings are guarded by more soldiers with kungfu stances and even the MP had to watch where he walked. These guys meant business. So we thought it would be great to take a FLAP picture here. Keep in mind we are actually standing across the border IN North Korea right now.

Next, we went to a nearby lookout where we got a close up view of the North Korean Propaganda Village and world’s largest flag and flagpole. We described this in our last DMZ visit but to review the city was built to give viewers from the South a false impression of prosperity when in fact no one actually lives in the town. The fog was lifting but still the views and photos were a bit disappointing. What was cool was seeing and being surround by the border on 3 sides and having several tower guards looking right at us. I can just imagine them talking “Yeah one of them looks like Jesus, but the beard is a bit patchy.” Here our MP gives some good info in the must-see video below.

From there it was back on the bus and a quick dip out to the Bridge of No Return. It was here, at the creation of the DMZ, that prisoners and refugees had one chance to decide which side to stay on. They crossed the bridge and could not return.

We went to a small rest stop-like place to have lunch. When we were about to get off the bus a group of old Chinese men walked in. If you have been a tourist in China or Korea you will often find large groups will wear the same brightly coloured hats or vests to help identify them to their guide and keep the group together. It’s rather amusing to see them wandering about together is neon hats with questionable slogans. We struggled hard to get a good pic of this group who somehow chose maroon “Waynes World” hats for their trip. It’s funny enough seeing an old man wearing one and having no idea what it means, but imagine 50 men.

Next stop the 3rd tunnel. To recap it is a tunnel built by the North with intention to invade but was discovered in the early 90’s (I think). 3 tunnels have been discovered so far with capacity of carrying 30,000 troops into South Korea in one hour. When discovered, the North claimed they were only mining for coal and that it was a misunderstanding. This is why the walls were painted black. Unfortunately there is only one type of rock (granite) here and no coal within hundreds of kilometres.

From there we headed to the entrance to the tunnels that lead under the DMZ. Before entering the tunnels, you have to go and watch a video in a modern building that houses an 275 degree surround screen theatre. At the entrance to the the theatre is an eternal peace flame (which isn’t real but a light with flowing fabric) and a very oddly-placed Manchester United jersey signed by the team members. Does this strike anyone else as odd? We know that Park Ji-Sung plays for them but it seemed odd to see a premier league jersey there. What… are they endorsing the film?

The propaganda video you are shown at the beginning of the tour in a small theatre is truly unique. We were ready this time to capture some video. Here is one from the fist part and the other other is towards the end. Notice the child crying, and how the DMZ is now a “world symbol of peaceful coexistence of humans and nature”. The vids are a tad long but worth every second. Apparently the DMZ represents peace and not the state of war that still exists between the two nations (keep in mind it was only an armistice/ceasefire that was signed… the two countries are still technically at war). Keep a look out for our favourite part where the DMZ (riddled with landmines) becomes a park with pretty butterflies where children can play.

It should be said explicitly that we are not trying to mock the horror of war, nor the suffering of the Korean people… it’s just that this video was so ridiculous and made completely subjectively by the US Army… such an obvious distortion of the facts begs the cynical mind to comment…

Then it was down to the tunnel. We were disappointed to hear that our tour did not include the sketchy roller coaster-like ride down to the depths of the tunnel. Instead we were to walk… a half a kilometre at a 35 degree angle. Down was almost as difficult as up.. Actually, going up was much worse. For those of you wou would like pics of the tunnel, check out our post in March of 2007. Here are Pat and I emerging from the tunnel after our epic climb.

In and around the upper level are monuments, statues and fun photo ops. Here is our favourite sequence. Caitlin was posing pretending she was pushing the world together. Her Dad kept sneaking up and goosing her in the bum. I think Pat and I’s immaturity was rubbing off. Here is the sequence.

From there we headed to the Dora Observatory on top of a mountain for a final glimpse into North Korea.

From there, back to Seoul and out to the St. Patty’s Day parade…